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There’s something important I want to talk about with you and I’ve put this off long enough. If you’re part of the mailing list, you already know some of this, but I want to lay everything bare.

2019 Has Been a Rough Year and I’m Struggling

Towards the end of 2018 I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. This wasn’t a terrible shock by itself, but since then things have just been piling one atop another.

Some of it I knew was coming like the increasing levels of family-related stress, growing responsibilities at work, building new products about magic systems, and the horrible process of finding the right medication; but there’s been lots of other stuff I had no way to prepare for. We’re talking all kinds of things from having a high school friend pass away, a close friend lose a long-term relationship, having to put down my dog, and a 7.1 earthquake showing up just because.

I’d say things have been shaky lately, but that would be a pun and my wife would put me to death. Instead, I’ll just say that all of this has been hard to handle. Honestly, it has me worried. Not about anything extreme. Fortunately, suicidal thoughts and self-harm have never been part of my struggle with mental illness, and I’m not about to lose my job, destroy my marriage, or anything like that.

I’m Worried I’ll Let You Down

For nearly 3.5 years I’ve done everything in my power to make sure a new post went up every 14 days. Some of those posts have since been destroyed or locked away for the safety of humanity, but I didn’t plan, work, and occasionally cry this hard and this long because I’m bored or to hear myself talk.

As silly as it may seem to some, I care deeply about magic building. I care about this website; I care about this blog; and I care about you. Magic systems can be unbelievable sources of inspiration, creativity, and escapism, regardless what type or form of story they appear in. Your system needs to be built, your story needs to be told, and I want to do everything in my power to help you make it happen.

With what’s going on right now, I’m worried I can’t keep up the pace.
Scratch that. I am terrified that what I have to give won’t be enough.

I Needed to Let You Know

Whatever happens, I’ll keep doing my best, but there may be some posts, newsletters, and other things that slip as I struggle to get my life in order. 

There is something that helps tremendously and that is you.  Whenever I get an email, comment, or whatever, it makes all this effort worth it in the end. Knowing that you are waiting or excited for my content makes it a thousand times easier to sit down at 4:30 in the morning and start writing before going into the office.

That’s pretty much all I had to say. I hope you understand and I’ll do my very best to keep bringing you the best and most helpful content I can manage.

Thanks for stopping by. Rowenson, out.


  • Shannon C says:

    Hey. You’re awesome. And you’re enough whether you get every post up on time or not. (But as someone who also struggles with anxiety and depression, I get that hearing/ knowing that cognitively doesn’t always help, lol.)

    One of these days I’ll get past my own anxiety blocks and be ready to write another fantasy. And when I reach that point, you’re the first person I’ll be looking for. 🙂 Your content is aweso.w and helpful and so are you. Hope all those external things cut you some slack soon!

    • C. R. Rowenson says:

      Knowing and saying these things internally doesn’t always help, but hearing it repeated from outside sources does make a difference. Even if it doesn’t make the problem go away, it certainly helps. So thank you, Shannon.
      I’m sorry to hear that your own struggles have been interfering with your writing, and I’m always here if you need to talk or just want to do some story daydreaming.

  • Laura says:

    Of course you’re enough.

    • C. R. Rowenson says:

      It’s funny how you can know something in one part of your brain only to have it completely ignored by the rest of it 🙂 Thank you for the positive reinforcement

  • Your words are always a blessing, always interesting, and worth waiting for. We’re here when you have time

  • Tyalor says:

    I’m on your mailing list and enjoy your content! I’m an avid reader, and I love the books and systems you talk about – I’m just not that great or brave in creating my own content yet. since you reached out, and have been so real, I want to share that I, too, struggle with depression off and on throughout my life. Only mine does sometimes occur with suicidal depression. I really appreciate knowing that someone I look up to in being brave in writing, and creating content, and pursing his dreams, is also really struggling and is capable of scaling back to take care of himself – I wish I could have real people model this more in my own life. I hope that things get easier for you, in symptoms or in real life (or in both! that would be nice, eh?), and I trust you’ll be back when you can. Thank you, again, for being real (and for your content!).

    • C. R. Rowenson says:

      Tyalor, I can’t tell you much that means to me. I’m thrilled that you enjoy my content and honored that you look up to me and feel comfortable enough to tell me about your own struggles. Just knowing that you’re there patiently waiting for content is a tremendous driver and I’ll do my best to continue delivering it, even if it is at a scaled back rate.
      Thank you Tyalor. I really appreciate the comment.

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