There’s something important I want to talk about with you and I’ve put this off long enough. If you’re part of the mailing list, you already know some of this, but I want to lay everything bare.
2019 Has Been a Rough Year and I’m Struggling
Towards the end of 2018 I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. This wasn’t a terrible shock by itself, but since then things have just been piling one atop another.
Some of it I knew was coming like the increasing levels of family-related stress, growing responsibilities at work, building new products about magic systems, and the horrible process of finding the right medication; but there’s been lots of other stuff I had no way to prepare for. We’re talking all kinds of things from having a high school friend pass away, a close friend lose a long-term relationship, having to put down my dog, and a 7.1 earthquake showing up just because.
I’d say things have been shaky lately, but that would be a pun and my wife would put me to death. Instead, I’ll just say that all of this has been hard to handle. Honestly, it has me worried. Not about anything extreme. Fortunately, suicidal thoughts and self-harm have never been part of my struggle with mental illness, and I’m not about to lose my job, destroy my marriage, or anything like that.
I’m Worried I’ll Let You Down
For nearly 3.5 years I’ve done everything in my power to make sure a new post went up every 14 days. Some of those posts have since been destroyed or locked away for the safety of humanity, but I didn’t plan, work, and occasionally cry this hard and this long because I’m bored or to hear myself talk.
As silly as it may seem to some, I care deeply about magic building. I care about this website; I care about this blog; and I care about you. Magic systems can be unbelievable sources of inspiration, creativity, and escapism, regardless what type or form of story they appear in. Your system needs to be built, your story needs to be told, and I want to do everything in my power to help you make it happen.
With what’s going on right now, I’m worried I can’t keep up the pace.
Scratch that. I am terrified that what I have to give won’t be enough.
I Needed to Let You Know
Whatever happens, I’ll keep doing my best, but there may be some posts, newsletters, and other things that slip as I struggle to get my life in order.
There is something that helps tremendously and that is you. Whenever I get an email, comment, or whatever, it makes all this effort worth it in the end. Knowing that you are waiting or excited for my content makes it a thousand times easier to sit down at 4:30 in the morning and start writing before going into the office.
That’s pretty much all I had to say. I hope you understand and I’ll do my very best to keep bringing you the best and most helpful content I can manage.
Thanks for stopping by. Rowenson, out.