Come meet my “Secret” Best Friend
Today we aren’t talking about magic, horror, or fiction. This is one of those times that I’ve open up and share a bit of my life with you. If that sounds boring given the utter dearth of useful information, you should probably just skip this one. I’ll just wait for you over here while you decide.
If you’re still around, then you’ve probably put at least one level into Cyber-Stalker. It’s fine. I don’t mind as long as you don’t object to the laser sights dancing
across your scalp.
I’m not ashamed to admit that this topic came from a pre-generated list. The original concept was “Tell Us About Your Best Friend,” but that would have been a short post. It’s my wife. And, not to split hairs or anything, but she’s actually my Mega-Best Friend, so I’m not sure she qualifies anyway.
I thought maybe I could talk about my dogs. That’s them right there. Just look at their stupid little faces. They’re so cute I can barely stand it. They both have great personalities, so there’s lots to talk about there.
But talking about how much I love my wife and dogs doesn’t seem very manly, so I want to tell you about my Secret Best Friend that few people know about.
Meet My Ultra-Manly Best Friend… Momo
What do you think? Is that not the most manly, intimidating, bad-ass duck you’ve ever seen?
You’re speechless, huh? No worries, I get it. His fearsome gaze can paralyze the most vicious of predators
I don’t think any less of you, I promise.
Unstoppable death machine or not, that’s not enough to qualify as my Secret Best Friend of Doom. The rules are simple, but very few meet the requirements.
#1) He Makes Me Feel Safe
Not in a weak way or anything. Far from it. In fact, I feel safest when he comes in with gore dripping from his bill. One look at him and I KNOW that nobody’s messing with me.
#2) He Doesn’t Judge Me… Ever
Everyone else does at least a little. Like you. You’re judging me right now. I can tell.
Momo never cares what I do as long as the blood stays fresh.
#3) He doesn’t die when I hug him
You’d think that’d be an easy requirement to meet, but I actually lose most of my friends this way.
There you have it. Momo is my secret best friend, and the best guardian I could hope for. In fact—
Men aren’t supposed to have stuffed animals? And he looks weak?
That’s just ‘cause you haven’t seen him in action. Just cause he’s a duck doesn’t mean he’s not dangerous. I remember this one time-
Uh oh. That’s His Favorite Axe!
GO, GO, GO! Get out of here! I can’t hold him back forever!